Sometimes I will find myself hurting now, almost inexplicably. Maybe it's because I have come out of living a zombie's life for so long. Not getting enough sleep and just feeling stressed and lost in another world. I have to remind myself that people hurt and it's okay to hurt. So much of my life I have always done what's right. I was taught at an early age "do unto others as you will have them do unto you". So I have. And sometimes now more than ever before in my life I ask "why".
Why do I give money to people on the street? Why do I love people even though they hurt me? Why do I let myself be crushed by people whose intentions are less than genuine? Why oh why do I allow myself to be taken in by kind words only to be hurt again when people who profess to care just push me away. Why?
Everyone hurts. Everyone cries. Everyone does things they are sorry for. But why do I forgive? What is it about me that takes an offense - either perceived or real - so much to heart? Why do I take things personally? Probably because there has not been an unintentional act of love on my part, ever. I have never accidentally done something nice. I always believe the best in people. I do. I always think "oh, they didn't mean to hurt me..."
but sometimes I wonder.
I only know a little about the feeling you get when you hurt someone on purpose. It's not a good feeling. It's not one I like to have. I don't feel GOOD when I hurt someone. I don't feel special or smart or happy when I hurt someone. So where is the draw? The lure? And what kind of person DOES feel good when they purposely hurt someone else?
Questions I would love to know the answers to.
This video came out shortly after Curt Cobain died. I remembered it at the time as being a very long song - one that didn't really mean much to me then. But over the years, it has come to have so much more meaning to me.
So today, a couple videos to help comfort and sooth a still-hurting heart and still-healing soul.
REM
Everybody Hurts
&
Amy Grant
Raining on the Inside
and a great blog entry about hurt...
And one more video - from Curtis Stigers, who I will be seeing tonight. I have several favorites and I hope he plays them all.
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