Sunday, March 28, 2010

Finding a Balance between Healthy Behaviors and Attitudes

"I can quit anytime"

I know I said that to myself over and over. Every time I logged on and looked around at the chores still waiting to be done, and every time I was missing another thing in real life that I was purposely not going to do because I was logging on instead. I repeated to myself that THIS (SL) is where I really wanted to be, THIS (SL) was where I was appreciated, needed. But no...that was not a correct assertion. Because each time I chose SL over RL, I sacrificed just a little more of my sanity. Just a little more of my time, just a little more of my energy, just a little more of my effort - for what? FOR NOTHING. I have only lost...not gained, well, unless you count pain and hurt - I gained plenty of that.

Well, no...you know, now that I think about it, that's actually not completely true. That's a frustrated-at-myself Stephanie talking. Positive-outlook Stephanie says that I DID gain a few things. I gained perspective. I gained friendship. I gained respect in some people's eyes. I gained control over my behavior and pride in myself again. I gained contentment with my life and what I have. I gained experience in human nature and learned that not everyone on this earth is here for the same reasons I am - and not everyone is who they say they are.

Personally, I found a healthy balance in my SL behaviors and attitudes by taking that first week off over a month ago - cold turkey. Very quickly after removing myself from SL I started communicating with people who brought me back to reality faster than a bucket of cold water could be poured onto my head. That first week was so hard. OMG so difficult. You know though, so early on I was feeling absolutely positive about my departure. I started feeling better almost immediately. And what I have gained by leaving is the knowledge that I don't need a virtual world in order to cope with my real world. Things that I felt were "better" in SL were NOT better. You can't even begin to compare virtual ANYTHING with real anything. There is NO comparison to a beautiful day...the wind in your face and a blanket on the grass with a spectacular picnic lunch. There is no comparison between a virtual hug and feeling someones flesh-and-bone arms encircle you and hold you. There is no comparison for a real conversation occurring between two people, heart-to-heart and soul-to-soul. Tears are shed and feelings are exchanged. You cannot compare that. You just can't.

I found the things in RL I loved and did them again. I took deep breaths and smiled and unplugged and recharged and in the mix, I somehow managed to get to a point where now SL is just a creative way to spend a few spare minutes I might have. I still miss my friends there, but I catch up with them by telephone or when I log in I chat with them or leave a note for them to read when they next log on. I don't let SL drama bother me or affect me - and I have pushed the pain out. Some days I still hurt. I have to believe that's normal. But you can't begin to heal until you face the hurt head-on.

If you're still struggling with obsession in Second Life and you're looking for help, I have listed resources and included blog entries but there is absolutely no substitute for telling the people around you that love you that you need help. Be honest with them and most of all, be honest with yourself. I'm not a specialist. I am not a counselor. I don't even know what right I have to write about all of this - other than the fact that experience is the best lesson I guess. But for those of you who come back and read this blog every day and have shared your own personal stories of leaving or not caring as much about SL anymore with me privately...we can do great things when we band together and make a unanimous choice to make ourselves better.

I owe several people this song as a dedication (not to mention a Higher Power who I went to in prayer day after day, looking for peace). Every friend I ignored in RL or put off for another day rather than getting together with them and being close. My little girl - for every time I said "no" or "maybe later" to her when she wanted to play with me and I should have said "yes". For every time I ignored what J. said to me or asked of me in favor of blowing him off and doing what I wanted to do - no matter where we are in our relationship, I owed you more than that. For my newest friend from halfway across the world who bent over backwards and wrote books for emails telling me that I could overcome my experiences in SL and listing more reasons than I ever imagined I could have. For people who came back in-world to help pull me up and out. For people who stopped everything to pray FOR me and WITH me - in RL and SL. For ALL of you - I am still talking out my feelings and discovering why I went there in the first place. Still finding out which parts of me needed that self-actualization, that feeling of being around people who were like-minded and finding ways to feed all of that in real life instead. I am still on a journey of learning, of discovering and of realizing things about myself every day. All of you together who have been there for me - you are the reason I am still here. You are the reason I love myself now more than before. You are the reason I found the strength to change things about myself that I was very unhappy with. Thank you all so so much. I love each one of you.

2 comments:

  1. And you sure still are consumed with SL .. you never shut going on about it .. spread it a little further with a blog now .. you need to check into rehab!

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  2. Thank you for your feedback! The blog is about emerging healthy from Second Life. Therefore, I do spend a lot of time talking about Second Life because that's what people who come to read this blog are searching for - answers to issues and talking out their problems, especially talking out their issues and getting emotionally and physically healthy. I really appreciate you reading it too! This is my own personal way of going through rehab without spending the thousands of dollars I would need to in order to go.

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