A Swift Dose of Reality

I spent most of this morning in the gym at my daughter's school. I walked back and forth between those large 10 feet cafeteria tables - the kind with those little plastic seats attached, each table covered in haphazardly folded clothes in all different children's sizes, mostly organized.

I watched my child run in between the tables, weaving in and out like they were a makeshift maze. Her little friend following her, they wound their way outside into the bright sunlight to play on the playground while the people mingled in between the different batches of gently used clothing. I closed my eyes for a moment, just grateful to have my baby girl. Little pink cheeks, beautiful inquisitive eyes and SUCH a bright future. I felt so positive - so hopeful - surrounded by a room full of teachers, children of all ages and parents...the sense of community was overwhelming - as it generally is at her school.

Then SHE walked into the room. The little girl that has forever changed my perspective about what reality is.

We all have problems in our lives. We all have struggles we need to learn how to overcome. I can't imagine many more struggles that could be more painful than what this little angel deals with every day she opens her eyes. But I am getting ahead of myself.

At first glace, I wasn't exactly sure if I was looking at a girl or a boy. About four and a half feet tall, this child skidded right past me. I watched as she bounded toward the school principal...half hopping with excitement. I overheard the child say "I brought my FAMILY" and I turned to look closely at the others following her. An older hispanic woman and two little girls trailed behind this exhuberant child - and I looked back in her direction and studied her face and clothes closer. I saw burgandy boots with heels - my cue that she was indeed a GIRL. I saw purple leggings and a purple hooded sweatshirt in a different shade - one that actually clashed quite garishly with the leggings. The girl was completely ambivilant about the clothing she was wearing, or the fact that they were smattered with dirt and had some holes here and there.

She stood completely erect - something so few people do - so I noticed it right off. I was struck by what a presence she established for herself in the room. And I was also amazed with how people responded to her. Each teacher came over to hug her and tell her hello. She responded with a huge bright smile that showed her crooked teeth. I looked closer at her hair - quite obviously short, coarse and curly - and her sweet freckles. As a mom, I wanted to reach out and hug her because for some reason I felt like she needed it. She looked proud and strong and unashamed of her obvious poverty and that made me want to squeeze the stuffing out of her.

Shortly after the last teacher greeted her, she began walking towards the tables. I reached out to her - saying "hello, can I help you find some clothes?" and she smiled at me...and I will never forget her face OR her response. "WOULD YOU REALLY!?!?" I smiled my response and said "OF COURSE I WILL!" We scoured the piles of clothes looking for jeans, shorts, tee shirts, sweatshirts - we found the COOLEST pair of levi's for her - only slightly used - and a really adorable black shirt that looked layered. Black pirate skull and crossbones and another black shirt over the top of it. Her eyes lit up when I found a tinkerbell shirt a few minutes later - and a second right behind it. She immediately let me hold clothes up next to her...she wasn't a bit shy. She seemed instead to eat up any attention and reward it with endearing looks of love and devotion. I was absolutely smitten with her. We shopped together for awhile, filling a few bags with clothes for her to take home. She walked over to the people she came in with to show them the things she found and I stole a moment to speak with the principal. I had to know more about this young girl.

"Oh, she has my heart" the principal said. "Really? Why? What's her story?" I inquired. A slight, sad chuckle escaped the principal as she said "Stephanie, that little girl is the product of a rape. Her mom decided to keep her when she got pregnant, and now she can't stand the sight of her. She lives with her grandma and grandpa in a single-wide mobile home. Her mother had several other kids too - all by different fathers. The other children are all related to her only by her mom. A younger sister, brother and an even younger sister are all in the trailer with them. Her mom decided to move them all in there after the newest guy she was dating got her pregnant and decided he didn't want any other children other than his own child - which the mom JUST decided to give up for adoption. The mom is still with the newest guy but can't be bothered to take the children back - they're both drug addicts. Oh, and the grandmother is currently suffering from the final stages of aggresive breast cancer. She's the glue that holds the family together - I struggle to think of what that little girl's life will be like if she doesn't make it."

I turned to face the wall so no one else could see my tears. This girl, this strong little girl who had the power to capture the attention of an entire room and steal MY heart (and who knows how many OTHER people's) immediately...THIS girl had experienced more pain and heartache in her nine years than any human being should. I cleared my throat and blinked my tears away and said "You know, I could pack up the leftover muffins for the family" and the principal said "Oh, what a GREAT idea! I bet they would LOVE that!" So off I rushed to the teacher's lounge where we were storing purses, coffee and muffins - and grabbed the basket of muffins and quickly raced into the cafeteria kitchen in search of plastic wrap. I quickly wrapped the muffins and sealed them up as I said a quick prayer for everyone who would eat them and then I blinked tears away again. As a mom, I just wanted to take her into my arms and hold her and feed her and love her and tell her that everything would be okay. As a stranger, I had to be okay with muffins and my time shopping with her as all I could do for now.

I walked back out into the gym and handed that little angel the leftover muffins, wishing instead it was a stack of money, a key to my house - anything other than some stupid muffins that would really make no difference in her life. She said "Oh THANK YOU SO MUCH" and I told her she was very welcome.

THIS EXPERIENCE was an eye-opener. This girl's reality is not a virtual world with pixilated houses, clothing, furniture and childish, imaginary drama fabricated by broken and damaged individuals who are so lost "in world" that they have misplaced their actual sense of reality. HER life - HER REALITY is the worst type of reality imaginable - and she manages to smile and thank me for MUFFINS. And to be so thankful for what amounted to 20 minutes or so of my time...my life. It was a sobering thought, to think of all the time I have wasted on a virtual world when so many people in the REAL world need help and love to make their reality a better place.

This song, along with this entire blog post, is dedicated to the girl who taught me such a poingnent but important lesson. I pray her life will be touched by more joy than sadness from here on - and that somehow I will be able to do more to help her in the future.