Taking a break from obsession for a day...

...because it's my blog and I can. And because I needed to talk about blessings.

Today was "one of those days". Like everyone else, some days I fight pain and aches in my heart that really just makes me feel like I want to crawl into a ball inside myself and just cry. On days like these, I feel like I need my soul fed. I usually remember to count my blessings, but sometimes I forget how many I have.

Tonight, after an extremely busy day at work where I managed to miss taking a lunch break and pretty-much just work 9 hours straight, I realized it was Wednesday - and that means church night. So I wasn't able to just go home and relax - I kept my work clothes on and raced home prepared to turn right around and go. Instead, we were late for the soup supper because when I got home I lay down on the couch and cuddled with E. for a bit. She smoothed my hair and comforted me - patting my shoulder and saying "it'll be okay momma" and "poor momma". I have to admit, her sweet spirit and tender love for me caused me to get a little teary - and then Berg the dog sat next to us and he licked my face dry. It hasn't been easy for any of us lately with certain things in our lives - and E's been absolutely incredible. My struggles to carry shouldnt ever be HER struggles - she's far too young to take any of that on. But my strong, stable and thoughtful little girl continues to teach me lessons in caring for others and parenting upwards. Feeling cared for and at peace, I quickly passed out into a dead sleep. I don't even remember falling asleep - I just closed my eyes and I was out. I awoke a few minutes later and then fell back asleep again. A few minutes after that, I dragged myself up off the couch and we headed out the door to church. For just a moment I seriously considered not going. I prayed about it briefly and I felt strongly that I needed to go - as tired as I was, I needed my soul fed more than I needed rest.

We left the house at about 6:10 and the soup supper before Lenten service started at 6:15. By the time we made it to church, I was reminded of the parable of the loaves and fishes. There were a LOT of people and only three big crocks for holding soup. I walked over and there was just the tiniest bit of Chicken Noodle Soup leftover. I poured that into a bowl for E. and grabbed her a few of the cookies on the counter and one of the church members found a bag with some tortilla chips and I made her a little cup of lemonade with the tiny bit left in the bottom of the pitcher and mixed it with water. I wished so much that I could have made everything stretch a bit further, but we were so late that I had to wash a bowl in order to make sure she had something to eat. There was just nothing I could do. I toyed with getting up and leaving church with her right then to take us both out for something more substantial, but I remembered the prayer I made before leaving the house and I was there for one reason: for my soul to be fed.

A short time later after E. finished eating, we headed into the sanctuary. It's very relaxed on Wednesday nights and the choir was busy practicing for Easter services. E. went looking for a few friends to play with while I sat and listened and jotted down a few notes. I immediately felt emotional again - and wiped my eyes - making sure no one around me saw any signs of tears. I excused myself to the restroom to put some cold water on my face. I was so torn. I knew emotionally I could break down if someone so much as looked at me funny - or if the topic for the discussion tonight was something that hit too close to home. I don't LIKE going to church and being an emotional basket-case. I really just wanted to go to find some peace. For the third time, I questioned my motives for being there in the first place and had to remind myself why I was there.

As I sat back down, I looked at my handout and my eyes widened. I saw that the NOOMA video we would be watching and discussing today was "RICH". Oh boy. The reading BEFORE the video was about being richly blessed by God. Oh boy. I was feeling anything BUT richly blessed today. After the first song and the scripture reading, Pastor played the NOOMA video. All I can say is WOW. That Rob Bell guy who does these videos has a way of grabbing my attention from the moment the lights dim until he's done speaking. I am usually in a daze immediately afterwards too. It's absolutely astonishing the ability he has to make me stop everything and realize my own shortcomings and where I lack the ability to be grateful for everything. The video started running through the idea that we in America are the rich people that the Bible talks about.



"Command those who are rich not to put their hope in wealth, but to put our hope in God who richly provides us with everything". Immediately I was reminded when I most needed reminding. EVERYTHING I have is a gift. Regardless of what's going on in my life, I am STILL so richly blessed. And there it was. My soul felt fed. Peace was restored in my heart. God was there in the midst of everything and He continues to be there for me, always.

I drove to church in my car. That makes me richer than 92% of the world. I had clean drinking water this morning with my almonds and dried fruit. That makes me richer than somewhere around a billion people in the world. I took my salad ingredients to work and ate my lunch in between calls and meetings. That makes me richer than the 800 million who didn't even eat today -and a full 300 million of those 800 million are children.

Food? Gift. Clothes? Gift. Roof? Gift. That breath I just took? Gift.

I am so richly blessed, I just needed a reminder about that. I have been given gifts that so many around the world don't have. Nothing like an eye-opening realization that in spite of my struggles and my frustrations, I am still far more BLESSED than so many others on this earth.

This song has been running through my head this evening.

The Indigo Girls - Secure Yourself



One of the principles my Dad always talked about as I was growing up was God's directions to Abraham - YOU ARE BLESSED TO BE A BLESSING. I hope and pray that I was a blessing to someone else today and that I will be a blessing to someone else tomorrow. Here's hoping each and every one of you is a blessing to someone else, too. :)