Today's Blog, Brought To You By The Letter "B"

and "B" is for "Bettah" - (better)

I can't even begin to say how much better I feel. I catch myself now and then kind of vaguely wondering if I have had any notecards or IM's or notices. Since I have been completely out of world for 3 full days and pretty much separated from SL on a large scale for a week, I haven't been receiving any kind of notices to my mail...I shut off that option - and THANK GOODNESS I did. Phew.

I feel like SL is still a dangerous thing for me - and I don't miss IT near as much as I thought I would. I miss some of the people. :( In fact, I think of them often and I immediately send good thoughts their way.

It's a very surreal feeling to constantly feel the need to be somewhere for 17 months and then just shut it all off like a switch. It's something I have been giving a great deal of thought to - the fact that nowadays if I want to doze in the chair for a little bit - or crash on the couch for a short nap - I do it. In the past, I would grab a couple toothpicks, prop my eyes open and just log on. Now I am not constantly thinking "log on log on log on" when I have a few minutes to myself. There's no obligation to be there - and there is so much peace in that for me. I take long cleansing breaths (seriously!) and wow...it just makes me feel wonderful.

A close friend told me yesterday that one thing to practice when/if I feel bad is thinking of an amazing moment...one of the best of my life...and then the feeling of the rush of joy when you think about and meditate on that moment can help you through some rough patches. WOW, was this friend RIGHT ON. I think I was so distracted for 17 months on what I could possibly do with my life that I forgot my RL doesn't royally suck. I may not live in a McMansion or drive a 30k car or have copious amounts of money to spend every time I go somewhere - but you know what?
I have me. I have a home. I have my dream car. I have a great family. I have incredible friends who are bending over backwards right now to support me. I have blessings - so, so many blessings. I am lucky that the people I owe apologies to - my friends and family - for blowing off or forgetting or glazing over important dates in the past 17 months - these people have all forgiven me. They have hugged me close and loved me and told me how glad they are that I am doing this and how PROUD they are - collectively - of my decision to come back to them. These things continue to underscore the importance of me following through with this successfully. Tomorrow is Friday - the usual night of logging on. LOL, and then Saturday - the morning, noon and night of logging on. WOW...NOT having to log on is SO freeing. I started making plans for the weekend without trying to calculate in my SL time. YAY! It may sound silly to those who have never been in a place like I am now - but trust me. This is all a good thing.

I could type more, but I will save your eyes. ;) Last night at church we had an exercise about prayer. We were all given numbers when we walked into the sanctuary and then everyone with that number was placed in a group. Once in our groups, we discussed God (what does he look like, when is it hardest/easier to pray, do you feel like you can ask for anything) and we watched this short movie about prayer. I am embedding it here. It's pretty long, and in Spanish subtitles. It's in English though - and if you would be willing to spare the time, it's a very VERY worthwhile thing to watch. Oh, yes, at the end of the group discussion, we needed to share something for the person to our right to pray for. The woman next to me asked me to pray for her knees and ankles. She's having a harder time getting around these days. I asked the girl next to me to pray for guidance. She asked the woman next to her to pray for her schoolwork and the woman next to her asked to pray for financial stability. Apparently, she's been having to go to the food pantry and she's ashamed about that. Again, I was handed perspective on a silver platter. If all I am asking for is guidance - then I am one of the lucky ones. Please watch this...it could change your views on prayer. Thanks for taking the time to spend another day watching me splay my inner-most thoughts all over the place.