Sunday morning

Ouch...my SHINS STILL HURT. I was out hiking for two hours yesterday. It felt WONDERFUL. I breathed in and out - and I breathed in and out A LOT on the tough hills...Ha Ha Ha. Anyway, I took the (dirt) road less traveled and hiked up and into the Dry Creek Cemetery area. I was walking through the cemetery and I found the most incredible thing. I spontaneously started to cry - and I took a picture with my blackberry...

I felt it was so meaningful. The entire hike up I thought about SL and about the people I have met there over the past 17 months. I thought about the wrongs and the rights - the good AND the bad. I hummed and even sang along with my iPod at times as I was walking. I would turn around from time to time and look back down towards my house and the city spreading off to the left. I realized while looking back can be a beautiful thing, when you're walking forwards - especially when you have the tough hills to climb, you have to look AHEAD of you.

It sounds so simple, but it's very true. I took a picture in the cemetery - me: completely waterlogged, sweaty, worn out - but very, very content.

After returning home and having the HOTTEST SHOWER EVER...I relaxed and enjoyed a few more quiet hours of just vegging out on the couch. As often as I have said it before, having two lives can be so extremely stressful. Having ONE life - even a busy and fulfilling life - can be COMPLETELY relaxing after living like I have for as long as I have.

After a great movie on the TV, some time with E. and J. at home, a trip to the mall which involved a delicious Orange Julius break and then a surprise dinner out, I was ready to crawl to the nearest pillow and pass out. WHICH is exactly what I did. :)

I awoke early this morning - with SL on my mind. The point of everything was making it to today without logging in. I tried to sleep, but I couldn't - which only made me mad. LOL. But not mad-angry - mad-annoyed. I jumped up and headed into the kitchen to make a loaf of fresh bread. I have been delving back into the cooking, you know. So I started by grabbing my well-worn recipe for Portuguese Sweet Bread and started throwing all the ingredients into the bread machine. I made it all the way to the flour - the VERY last ingredient - before I realized - OMG...I have no YEAST. HOW COULD I FORGET YEAST?! Well, off I trudged to the grocery store in my track pants and long-sleeve shirt and hair slightly combed (ha!) and eyes still sleepy TO BUY YEAST. I was a bit ashamed and felt kind of mad at myself again for letting my life get to this point. Back in the day, I always had yeast. I could plan a meal on a moments notice and have everything I needed in cabinets and the pantry. These days, not so much. It was a(nother) wake up call for me as I realized that I was so far separated from something I used to pride myself on.

While at the store, I grabbed a big head of cauliflower too - I love that stuff. The same magazine that talked about the soup yesterday also talked about roasted cauliflower so I have a plan for that stuff later. :)

When I got home, I added the yeast to the bread machine and even as I type this, I can smell the bread baking. I don't eat bread often these days - I quit eating bread often about 10 months ago - but E. and J. love it - and I might have a little bit. :)

I have already logged into SL this morning. I did it early so I wouldn't run into a lot of people online. I just knew if I was there to do anything other than read notecards and click notices, I would want to stay...or might be tempted to stay. I logged in and the barrage of notes and wonderful comments from friends were there to greet me. What a nice greeting. So many of them included personal contact information (which I will be putting to good use) for people outside SL. And the few that didn't, I made sure to give mine to them.

Two notecards in particular meant so much to me. A dear friend from early on in SL sent me a note that made me smile and have tears at the same time about his own experiences right now. I immediately said a prayer and sent a hug. Another notecard from a very recent NEW friend and it made my eyes wet too. Everything she said meant so much to me. I feel blessed to have people who care - and who are reading my blog - and getting so much out of it. I don't WANT to drag people out of SL with me - that's not my goal. BUT, for those who are also suffering - those who are also hurting - my goodness...if I can help with what I share in ANY way - I will. A true friend is someone who is there in good times and bad, someone who will not forsake you - even when the chips are down and when times are tough. A true friend will not ask you to choose between them and others. A true friend respects you, loves you and challenges you to be the best "you" that you can be. I need as many true friends as I can get in this life - REAL life - and I value the true friendships that I am taking with me from that world into this one. I love being a true friend - it's really all I looked for in SL.

So I spent about 30-40 minutes responding to notes in-world and then took care of a couple of other things related to the Gallery and logged off - easy-peasy. Quick and painless. NOW, I have logged on - and I don't really feel like going back today. I made it 6 days and WOW...it was so much easier than I thought - and I feel so much better than I expected. Just positive and thankful and excited about cleaning the house (HAHAHAHAH!) and looking forward to seeing what the path that I will continue to walk in my life has in store for me. I know there will be times that I look back - like I did yesterday - but I will also be looking forward. Forward with a smile on my face and a song at my lips and a soaring heart. Because life is never as bad as it seems. And love is always there - if you look for it. Bad things and heartache are always there too - just turn on the news to see it...but you know, I so prefer choosing the good.

This song seems fitting for today. And, for every day really. Forgive me the fact that it's being sung by a teenager...sometimes the youth have a lot to teach the rest of us.

The words to this song are so meaningful to me. There IS always going to be another mountain - and sometimes I will lose my way in the process of the climb. Sometimes I will climb it and it will be the greatest feeling when I get to the top and see how far I came.