Today is the perfect day for this blog to fade into the dark.
Today marks the 38th blog entry on a blog that was designed to help ME get through an addiction to Second Life. At the beginning of this blog, I received a LOT of notes from people going through the same thing. Notes from individuals like me who were suffering the gamut of emotions - the guilt, shame and anger of addiction - and much, much more. It was such a source of support for me to get my feelings out - to talk about things that I needed to talk about. A place for me to make realizations that have all worked together to help me feel so much better. A place for people I care about to understand more about what was going on in my head.
Some days, I had tears while I typed and some days I smiled. Some days I planned in advance what I wanted to talk about and some days I let inspiration take over. I have made a lot of friends since this blog began. People I knew in SL who became close friends in real life. :) I am SO grateful for their touch on my life. They have helped in so many ways - they have worked so hard to stand beside me and hold my hand and cheer my heart. Words cannot express how much I appreciate each and every one of you who did that for me.
Recently, individuals who are still very involved with Second Life have come here to try and turn something that I felt good about into something that I felt bad about. I can assure you, they did not succeed. When I left SL, I tried to leave the drama, the false people, the liars and the mentally sick individuals behind me. It seems I have inadvertently brought them here. Even though I guess I did that to myself by including the name of my blog on my Second Life profile. Initially, I put my blog there in my profile so that my SL friends would be able to continue to follow my life. The last thing I expected was for individuals with less-than-positive intentions to come here and go on the attack. I really didn't think there was any rhyme or reason for that type of behavior. I guess I can chalk it up to another lesson learned.
As I was working on my week-long project on obsession in SL, I found myself realizing that the SL part of this blog was becoming less and less important to me. I had decided to take the blog in an entirely new direction. When I began the blog, it was a place for me to talk out my issues with addiction to a virtual world. That addiction no longer has a hold on my life.
I have continued to write about SL here (in between blog entries that had nothing to do with SL) for the people who came here for the first time and for those coming back again and again searching for help. I will leave this blog here as a source for those truly looking for help out of a very dark and depressing place - literally or figuratively speaking.
My new blog will be under a different name and I won't be advertising it in any Virtual World locations. When I repeatedly said I was trying to emerge healthy from the experience of Second Life, I meant it. I plan to Emerge Healthy in spite of the people who continue to feel as if they have to drag others down into their spiralling messes. The best way I feel to accomplish this is to start fresh with a new blog.
So I wish you all healthy futures...and a lot of hope and joy. To those who read because they needed emotional support and liked knowing that they weren't alone in their departure or desire to leave Second Life - I wish you so much good. To others, I still wish you well.
Even though it is a solemn day, in my world the sun is shining and I have so much to be thankful for. I'm ALIVE. I am emotionally better than I have been in so long. I am stronger and I face things rather than running from them. Avoiding conflict is a big reason why I ran to Second Life. I try not to avoid conflict anymore. It's really a beautiful place to be emotionally.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Re-potting things
We had rain on Monday and on Tuesday we had sleet and snow and sun and rain and clouds and wind and dark skies. Yesterday was bright and cheerful and partly cloudy with rain again. Name a weather, and we had it this week!
On Tuesday I brought home a plant that was given to me around Thanksgiving as part of a 3-plant-gift from my mother. I used it to dress up the insurance office for the holidays. The white poinsettia that came with it died - which is good. The most healthy of the three, a lovely vibrant green and yellow plant is sitting on my desk at work, and that left the "somewhere in the middle" ivy plant.
I didn't much care for the ivy. After I selected the healthiest of the three to put on my desk and dumped the dying poinsettia into the trash, I tried giving the somewhat sickly ivy away - but no one was interested in taking it. Hoping someone might change their mind, I left it in the kitchen at work and I watered it once a week, or whenever I remembered to. I watched and waited - hoping I would come in one day and it would be dead so I could just toss it. But the ivy plant struggled through being kept in the dark next to the refrigerator, being given very little water - basically forgotten.
So for these past few months I have been watching the ivy barely survive without care. It got me thinking about how the ivy could really teach me a lesson in symbolism about what happens when I have something in my life that needs a little extra care to bring it from "dying" to "thriving". I might choose to ignore it at first, but - if instead of ignoring it - if I gently pull it from it's old place, shake the roots free, place it into a new home, scatter a little fresh soil and give it cool water, it receives what it needs to grow into something better again.
The lesson is that you can take something in your life that is dying and give it new life if you try hard enough.
E. got a plant from school that needed re-potting and so Tuesday night we had a lesson in re-potting plants. :)
The ivy, only a couple of days into it's new home, is now thriving. Ultimately I was so encouraged by the idea that if I remember to do this with problems or issues in my life, I might have similar success. Something that was barely growing can thrive if I help it along.
I memorized this song in my teen years and I always repeated the lyrics to myself every time I needed a little comfort in the past. Today is a good day to be reminded that we never have to be anything more than who we are...but that with a little extra care, we can become everything we should be.
On Tuesday I brought home a plant that was given to me around Thanksgiving as part of a 3-plant-gift from my mother. I used it to dress up the insurance office for the holidays. The white poinsettia that came with it died - which is good. The most healthy of the three, a lovely vibrant green and yellow plant is sitting on my desk at work, and that left the "somewhere in the middle" ivy plant.
I didn't much care for the ivy. After I selected the healthiest of the three to put on my desk and dumped the dying poinsettia into the trash, I tried giving the somewhat sickly ivy away - but no one was interested in taking it. Hoping someone might change their mind, I left it in the kitchen at work and I watered it once a week, or whenever I remembered to. I watched and waited - hoping I would come in one day and it would be dead so I could just toss it. But the ivy plant struggled through being kept in the dark next to the refrigerator, being given very little water - basically forgotten.
So for these past few months I have been watching the ivy barely survive without care. It got me thinking about how the ivy could really teach me a lesson in symbolism about what happens when I have something in my life that needs a little extra care to bring it from "dying" to "thriving". I might choose to ignore it at first, but - if instead of ignoring it - if I gently pull it from it's old place, shake the roots free, place it into a new home, scatter a little fresh soil and give it cool water, it receives what it needs to grow into something better again.
The lesson is that you can take something in your life that is dying and give it new life if you try hard enough.
E. got a plant from school that needed re-potting and so Tuesday night we had a lesson in re-potting plants. :)
The ivy, only a couple of days into it's new home, is now thriving. Ultimately I was so encouraged by the idea that if I remember to do this with problems or issues in my life, I might have similar success. Something that was barely growing can thrive if I help it along.
I memorized this song in my teen years and I always repeated the lyrics to myself every time I needed a little comfort in the past. Today is a good day to be reminded that we never have to be anything more than who we are...but that with a little extra care, we can become everything we should be.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Speaking of obsession...
I had a comment from someone named "Anonymous" that was posted today at 9:39 am (it shows up as 10:39 am in the logs below). It was posted at the bottom of Sunday's blog post. It can be viewed here:
At first, I read the comment and I was touched that an individual would be concerned about me and feel strongly about sharing some supportive information with me [even if I did feel that it was a little out-of-date for where I am with the whole SL addiction thing]. One thing was nagging at me, however. I noticed that the main idea in the paragraph looked a little...I don't know...formal...almost like a textbook. I did a quick google-search of the words and I discovered that the "comment" was almost verbatim (apart from the words "you chose sl over spending time with your child or husband" and the individual who posted this comment also omitted using the word "our" in the last sentence and instead added the words "on line, as are support groups.") the rest of the "comment" was copy/pasted from a website on Internet Addiction from a Community Counseling Services web page in Hot Springs, Arkansas.
If you follow the link, you can see the "comment" is actually a portion of the last paragraph on the web page and I am including a copy of the link here in case anyone is interested in reading the full details on the topic for themselves.
I like to always make sure I notate carefully when I include information from other sources on this blog - as a former English major, I am sensitive to anything documented in this blog being accused of plagiarism.
I know how I feel personally when I write something and someone else uses it without my permission and takes it as their own without giving me the credit I am owed. Effective immediately I have removed the option to post comments without my permission so that I can approve all comments prior to publication.
It's my blog - I feel very VERY strongly about people not posting things that they do not note the source of in a post.
Now, as for the idea behind the "comment" - I agree completely with anonymous that if people feel that an addiction they have is currently out of their control, they should seek assistance from a counselor, a psychologist or any other people that might be able to help them. I have mentioned something to that effect several times in my blog and I have included resources that state that at the top right-hand side of every page of my blog.
Emerging healthy is absolutely the number one goal of this blog.
I hope anonymous has taken some of their own advice. After finding this, I decided to check my stats a little closer for the day and I discovered something interesting.
The individual who posted this comment (***as you can see starred below***) accessed my blog 49 times today as of 7:27 pm, Mountain time.
I removed all identifying information (like the IP address), but I did leave in the country, the time stamp, the screen size and the viewer type on each hit - the country, screen size and viewer are all identical. For the record, the average reader of this blog acesses the blog 1.7 times daily - this includes going from one page to another. 49 hits, while a huge compliment to me and to my writing, is a bit out-of-the-norm for the average reader. I guess that makes them an "above average" reader!
If the individual who wishes to remain anonymous did this for some sort of malicious reasons (although I am finding trouble finding the motive behind that), I hope that they will not choose to continue this behavior. If the individual did this out of genuine concern for me, I have my email address at the top right-hand corner of the blog. I would be happy to email with anyone about any personal concerns that anyone has for me.
Last guests
Tue, 30 Mar 2010
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
18:47:31 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
18:37:40 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...m/2010/03/winding-up-week.html
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
18:36:29 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...m/2010/03/winding-up-week.html
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
18:36:10 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
17:40:43 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
15:09:02 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
14:49:21 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...m/2010/03/winding-up-week.html
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
14:48:25 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...m/2010/03/winding-up-week.html
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
14:47:54 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
14:31:07 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
14:02:16 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
14:01:09 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...A16%3A00-08%3A00&max-results=7
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
14:00:15 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...A16%3A00-08%3A00&max-results=7
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
14:00:02 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...-to-dieno-longer-question.html
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
13:59:01 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...A16%3A00-08%3A00&max-results=7
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
13:57:43 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...A32%3A00-08%3A00&max-results=7
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
13:57:30 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...s-me-think-gods-woman-too.html
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
13:56:59 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...A32%3A00-08%3A00&max-results=7
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
13:56:25 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...A12%3A00-07%3A00&max-results=7
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
13:56:07 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...A00%3A00-07%3A00&max-results=7
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
13:56:01 — http://emerginghealthy.blog....com/2010/03/owning-blame.html
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
13:55:38 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...A00%3A00-07%3A00&max-results=7
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
13:55:32 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
13:55:02 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...bsession-with-second-life.html
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
13:54:30 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
13:54:17 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...g-balance-between-healthy.html
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
13:53:41 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
13:45:31 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...m/2010/03/winding-up-week.html
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
13:45:23 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
11:53:41 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...G_kUIm2bX3jZebgFhgoctLcyMdR19
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
10:56:51 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...G_kUIm2bX3jZebgFhgoctLcyMdR19
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
10:52:21 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...G_kUIm2bX3jZebgFhgoctLcyMdR19
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
10:39:27 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...G_kUIm2bX3jZebgFhgoctLcyMdR19
***********************************************************************
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
10:38:42 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...ding-up-week.html#comment-form
***********************************************************************
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
10:33:47 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...m/2010/03/winding-up-week.html
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
10:27:50 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
10:14:19 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
10:01:03 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
09:54:35 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
09:49:43 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
09:24:24 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
09:21:59 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
09:21:55 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
07:51:58 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
05:38:35 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
05:01:14 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
05:01:12 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
05:01:08 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
05:00:33 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
At first, I read the comment and I was touched that an individual would be concerned about me and feel strongly about sharing some supportive information with me [even if I did feel that it was a little out-of-date for where I am with the whole SL addiction thing]. One thing was nagging at me, however. I noticed that the main idea in the paragraph looked a little...I don't know...formal...almost like a textbook. I did a quick google-search of the words and I discovered that the "comment" was almost verbatim (apart from the words "you chose sl over spending time with your child or husband" and the individual who posted this comment also omitted using the word "our" in the last sentence and instead added the words "on line, as are support groups.") the rest of the "comment" was copy/pasted from a website on Internet Addiction from a Community Counseling Services web page in Hot Springs, Arkansas.
If you follow the link, you can see the "comment" is actually a portion of the last paragraph on the web page and I am including a copy of the link here in case anyone is interested in reading the full details on the topic for themselves.
I like to always make sure I notate carefully when I include information from other sources on this blog - as a former English major, I am sensitive to anything documented in this blog being accused of plagiarism.
I know how I feel personally when I write something and someone else uses it without my permission and takes it as their own without giving me the credit I am owed. Effective immediately I have removed the option to post comments without my permission so that I can approve all comments prior to publication.
It's my blog - I feel very VERY strongly about people not posting things that they do not note the source of in a post.
Now, as for the idea behind the "comment" - I agree completely with anonymous that if people feel that an addiction they have is currently out of their control, they should seek assistance from a counselor, a psychologist or any other people that might be able to help them. I have mentioned something to that effect several times in my blog and I have included resources that state that at the top right-hand side of every page of my blog.
Emerging healthy is absolutely the number one goal of this blog.
I hope anonymous has taken some of their own advice. After finding this, I decided to check my stats a little closer for the day and I discovered something interesting.
The individual who posted this comment (***as you can see starred below***) accessed my blog 49 times today as of 7:27 pm, Mountain time.
I removed all identifying information (like the IP address), but I did leave in the country, the time stamp, the screen size and the viewer type on each hit - the country, screen size and viewer are all identical. For the record, the average reader of this blog acesses the blog 1.7 times daily - this includes going from one page to another. 49 hits, while a huge compliment to me and to my writing, is a bit out-of-the-norm for the average reader. I guess that makes them an "above average" reader!
If the individual who wishes to remain anonymous did this for some sort of malicious reasons (although I am finding trouble finding the motive behind that), I hope that they will not choose to continue this behavior. If the individual did this out of genuine concern for me, I have my email address at the top right-hand corner of the blog. I would be happy to email with anyone about any personal concerns that anyone has for me.
Last guests
Tue, 30 Mar 2010
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
18:47:31 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
18:37:40 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...m/2010/03/winding-up-week.html
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
18:36:29 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...m/2010/03/winding-up-week.html
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
18:36:10 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
17:40:43 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
15:09:02 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
14:49:21 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...m/2010/03/winding-up-week.html
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
14:48:25 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...m/2010/03/winding-up-week.html
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
14:47:54 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
14:31:07 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
14:02:16 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
14:01:09 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...A16%3A00-08%3A00&max-results=7
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
14:00:15 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...A16%3A00-08%3A00&max-results=7
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
14:00:02 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...-to-dieno-longer-question.html
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
13:59:01 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...A16%3A00-08%3A00&max-results=7
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
13:57:43 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...A32%3A00-08%3A00&max-results=7
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
13:57:30 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...s-me-think-gods-woman-too.html
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
13:56:59 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...A32%3A00-08%3A00&max-results=7
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
13:56:25 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...A12%3A00-07%3A00&max-results=7
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
13:56:07 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...A00%3A00-07%3A00&max-results=7
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
13:56:01 — http://emerginghealthy.blog....com/2010/03/owning-blame.html
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
13:55:38 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...A00%3A00-07%3A00&max-results=7
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
13:55:32 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
13:55:02 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...bsession-with-second-life.html
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
13:54:30 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
13:54:17 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...g-balance-between-healthy.html
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
13:53:41 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
13:45:31 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...m/2010/03/winding-up-week.html
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
13:45:23 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
11:53:41 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...G_kUIm2bX3jZebgFhgoctLcyMdR19
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
10:56:51 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...G_kUIm2bX3jZebgFhgoctLcyMdR19
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
10:52:21 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...G_kUIm2bX3jZebgFhgoctLcyMdR19
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
10:39:27 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...G_kUIm2bX3jZebgFhgoctLcyMdR19
***********************************************************************
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
10:38:42 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...ding-up-week.html#comment-form
***********************************************************************
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
10:33:47 — http://emerginghealthy.blog...m/2010/03/winding-up-week.html
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
10:27:50 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
10:14:19 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
10:01:03 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
09:54:35 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
09:49:43 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
09:24:24 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
09:21:59 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
09:21:55 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
07:51:58 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
05:38:35 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
05:01:14 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
05:01:12 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
05:01:08 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Canada
WinVista (1024x640x32)
MSIE 7.0 (JavaScript: 1.3, Cookie: Yes, Java: Yes)
05:00:33 — http://emerginghealthy.blogspot.com/
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Winding Up The Week
One of the reasons I dug deep into obsession this week was because an agency in Boston, MA was looking and tweeting about obsession in online social settings. The agency people took some time to look at my blog and I got to thinking that I could definitely find plenty to write about and dig a little deeper when it came to obsession this week - and I was right. I did a lot of research and I feel pretty pleased overall with the resulting blog posts. Let's hope Boston felt it was helpful too! :)
In order to finish out the week, I took some notes in Sunday School this morning that I felt like I would share. If the religious stuff annoys or bothers you, you may just want to skip the rest of this post.
Still with me? Okay, you have been warned!
With holy week being this week, my Pastor has been talking alot about where we "live" in regards to the Resurrection. He talked last week about Palm Sunday (today) when people waved palm branches to welcome Jesus. Then he discussed where we as human beings live emotionally in our minds and hearts. Most everyone, he said, lives in pre-resurrection. That means that as Christians, we tend to have no trouble believing the fact that Jesus lived and that he was mistreated and eventually crucified. He said most people are perfectly willing to believe that Jesus had a difficult time and was ridiculed because we ourselves can readily recall difficult times we have had in our lives and times when people treated us with less than respectful attitudes. Pastor said that fewer people live post-resurrection - he actually brought up elderly people and young children with very serious illnesses as those he has known in HIS life who he could easily say were living post-resurrection. Those people believed clearly that Jesus had risen and that through his death and resurrection is where you find the true hope in life. Something, he argued, that most of us have trouble with - the whole idea that Jesus could be raised from the dead.
In Sunday School today, we talked about "the third day" - the day Jesus rose. Someone spoke up today and mentioned a time she was walking through a cemetery with a friend and the friend had lost her only child - a nine year old boy - to drowning. The friend spoke up when all was quiet between the two ladies and said "I am so angry at God!" and the woman from Sunday School said in response "well, at least you believe He is there..." Pastor smiled gently in response to her story and said "It's so good to know that God is big enough to take anyone's anger - like a parent can take a child's anger." Then he said "Sometimes we look in dead places (like cemeteries) for explanations of life."
In church today, I met Earl. Earl is a elderly guy, big in stature and with watery dark eyes magnified by thick coke-bottle glasses. His head is almost bald, with scabs and a rash from what looks to be a skin condition and he had flecks of his scalp on his shoulders. He can't speak much and he's confined to a motorized scooter. I watched as people lined up to wish him good morning and to shake his hand or pat him on the back during the greeting time. E. was helping with communion this morning (I was *SO* proud) and I had to pass by Earl on the way up there. I saw as those in front of me would give him a little pat on the shoulder and he was sticking his hand out ready for any kind of human touch and interaction. How many more Earl's are there in the world that we choose to walk past every day - averting our eyes and quickening our steps? When it was my turn to walk on past him or slow my walk briefly and pat him on the back, I stopped completely and cradled his shoulder with one hand and with the other, took his hand and squeezed it gently. He was so grateful for another person's touch - for some sort of tangible proof that he was still alive and people still cared about him. So this blog post is dedicated to Earl - who, I believe, is definitely living post-resurrection. Thank you for humbling me today, Earl - and for reminding me to look in a place of life for explanations of life.
I believe that God loves all of us. I believe that churches place too much emphasis on sinning and on who is doing what against the church's guidelines or against each other. If more time was spent encouraging people to care more about one another and to show concern for everyone in all situations and places in their lives, people would have more respect for religion in general. I don't believe that homosexuality is a sin or that democrats are evil or that people who do terrible things in the name of God are right in any way for blaming their evil ways on something holy. I also don't believe in forcing what I believe on other people - but I felt like sharing this in light of the Easter season. It IS holy week - and in my world, that's a pretty big thing.
I have included a link to the video "He Is Alive". This is a song by Don Fransisco and has been one of my favorite Easter songs since I was 13 years old. I was so impressed someone put it on YouTube with a fantastic series of still photographs. I hope you enjoy it too - if you are interested in watching it.
He Is Alive
And, Dolly Parton does a killer job singing the same song here.
In order to finish out the week, I took some notes in Sunday School this morning that I felt like I would share. If the religious stuff annoys or bothers you, you may just want to skip the rest of this post.
Still with me? Okay, you have been warned!
With holy week being this week, my Pastor has been talking alot about where we "live" in regards to the Resurrection. He talked last week about Palm Sunday (today) when people waved palm branches to welcome Jesus. Then he discussed where we as human beings live emotionally in our minds and hearts. Most everyone, he said, lives in pre-resurrection. That means that as Christians, we tend to have no trouble believing the fact that Jesus lived and that he was mistreated and eventually crucified. He said most people are perfectly willing to believe that Jesus had a difficult time and was ridiculed because we ourselves can readily recall difficult times we have had in our lives and times when people treated us with less than respectful attitudes. Pastor said that fewer people live post-resurrection - he actually brought up elderly people and young children with very serious illnesses as those he has known in HIS life who he could easily say were living post-resurrection. Those people believed clearly that Jesus had risen and that through his death and resurrection is where you find the true hope in life. Something, he argued, that most of us have trouble with - the whole idea that Jesus could be raised from the dead.
In Sunday School today, we talked about "the third day" - the day Jesus rose. Someone spoke up today and mentioned a time she was walking through a cemetery with a friend and the friend had lost her only child - a nine year old boy - to drowning. The friend spoke up when all was quiet between the two ladies and said "I am so angry at God!" and the woman from Sunday School said in response "well, at least you believe He is there..." Pastor smiled gently in response to her story and said "It's so good to know that God is big enough to take anyone's anger - like a parent can take a child's anger." Then he said "Sometimes we look in dead places (like cemeteries) for explanations of life."
In church today, I met Earl. Earl is a elderly guy, big in stature and with watery dark eyes magnified by thick coke-bottle glasses. His head is almost bald, with scabs and a rash from what looks to be a skin condition and he had flecks of his scalp on his shoulders. He can't speak much and he's confined to a motorized scooter. I watched as people lined up to wish him good morning and to shake his hand or pat him on the back during the greeting time. E. was helping with communion this morning (I was *SO* proud) and I had to pass by Earl on the way up there. I saw as those in front of me would give him a little pat on the shoulder and he was sticking his hand out ready for any kind of human touch and interaction. How many more Earl's are there in the world that we choose to walk past every day - averting our eyes and quickening our steps? When it was my turn to walk on past him or slow my walk briefly and pat him on the back, I stopped completely and cradled his shoulder with one hand and with the other, took his hand and squeezed it gently. He was so grateful for another person's touch - for some sort of tangible proof that he was still alive and people still cared about him. So this blog post is dedicated to Earl - who, I believe, is definitely living post-resurrection. Thank you for humbling me today, Earl - and for reminding me to look in a place of life for explanations of life.
I believe that God loves all of us. I believe that churches place too much emphasis on sinning and on who is doing what against the church's guidelines or against each other. If more time was spent encouraging people to care more about one another and to show concern for everyone in all situations and places in their lives, people would have more respect for religion in general. I don't believe that homosexuality is a sin or that democrats are evil or that people who do terrible things in the name of God are right in any way for blaming their evil ways on something holy. I also don't believe in forcing what I believe on other people - but I felt like sharing this in light of the Easter season. It IS holy week - and in my world, that's a pretty big thing.
I have included a link to the video "He Is Alive". This is a song by Don Fransisco and has been one of my favorite Easter songs since I was 13 years old. I was so impressed someone put it on YouTube with a fantastic series of still photographs. I hope you enjoy it too - if you are interested in watching it.
He Is Alive
And, Dolly Parton does a killer job singing the same song here.
Finding a Balance between Healthy Behaviors and Attitudes
"I can quit anytime"
I know I said that to myself over and over. Every time I logged on and looked around at the chores still waiting to be done, and every time I was missing another thing in real life that I was purposely not going to do because I was logging on instead. I repeated to myself that THIS (SL) is where I really wanted to be, THIS (SL) was where I was appreciated, needed. But no...that was not a correct assertion. Because each time I chose SL over RL, I sacrificed just a little more of my sanity. Just a little more of my time, just a little more of my energy, just a little more of my effort - for what? FOR NOTHING. I have only lost...not gained, well, unless you count pain and hurt - I gained plenty of that.
Well, no...you know, now that I think about it, that's actually not completely true. That's a frustrated-at-myself Stephanie talking. Positive-outlook Stephanie says that I DID gain a few things. I gained perspective. I gained friendship. I gained respect in some people's eyes. I gained control over my behavior and pride in myself again. I gained contentment with my life and what I have. I gained experience in human nature and learned that not everyone on this earth is here for the same reasons I am - and not everyone is who they say they are.
Personally, I found a healthy balance in my SL behaviors and attitudes by taking that first week off over a month ago - cold turkey. Very quickly after removing myself from SL I started communicating with people who brought me back to reality faster than a bucket of cold water could be poured onto my head. That first week was so hard. OMG so difficult. You know though, so early on I was feeling absolutely positive about my departure. I started feeling better almost immediately. And what I have gained by leaving is the knowledge that I don't need a virtual world in order to cope with my real world. Things that I felt were "better" in SL were NOT better. You can't even begin to compare virtual ANYTHING with real anything. There is NO comparison to a beautiful day...the wind in your face and a blanket on the grass with a spectacular picnic lunch. There is no comparison between a virtual hug and feeling someones flesh-and-bone arms encircle you and hold you. There is no comparison for a real conversation occurring between two people, heart-to-heart and soul-to-soul. Tears are shed and feelings are exchanged. You cannot compare that. You just can't.
I found the things in RL I loved and did them again. I took deep breaths and smiled and unplugged and recharged and in the mix, I somehow managed to get to a point where now SL is just a creative way to spend a few spare minutes I might have. I still miss my friends there, but I catch up with them by telephone or when I log in I chat with them or leave a note for them to read when they next log on. I don't let SL drama bother me or affect me - and I have pushed the pain out. Some days I still hurt. I have to believe that's normal. But you can't begin to heal until you face the hurt head-on.
If you're still struggling with obsession in Second Life and you're looking for help, I have listed resources and included blog entries but there is absolutely no substitute for telling the people around you that love you that you need help. Be honest with them and most of all, be honest with yourself. I'm not a specialist. I am not a counselor. I don't even know what right I have to write about all of this - other than the fact that experience is the best lesson I guess. But for those of you who come back and read this blog every day and have shared your own personal stories of leaving or not caring as much about SL anymore with me privately...we can do great things when we band together and make a unanimous choice to make ourselves better.
I owe several people this song as a dedication (not to mention a Higher Power who I went to in prayer day after day, looking for peace). Every friend I ignored in RL or put off for another day rather than getting together with them and being close. My little girl - for every time I said "no" or "maybe later" to her when she wanted to play with me and I should have said "yes". For every time I ignored what J. said to me or asked of me in favor of blowing him off and doing what I wanted to do - no matter where we are in our relationship, I owed you more than that. For my newest friend from halfway across the world who bent over backwards and wrote books for emails telling me that I could overcome my experiences in SL and listing more reasons than I ever imagined I could have. For people who came back in-world to help pull me up and out. For people who stopped everything to pray FOR me and WITH me - in RL and SL. For ALL of you - I am still talking out my feelings and discovering why I went there in the first place. Still finding out which parts of me needed that self-actualization, that feeling of being around people who were like-minded and finding ways to feed all of that in real life instead. I am still on a journey of learning, of discovering and of realizing things about myself every day. All of you together who have been there for me - you are the reason I am still here. You are the reason I love myself now more than before. You are the reason I found the strength to change things about myself that I was very unhappy with. Thank you all so so much. I love each one of you.
I know I said that to myself over and over. Every time I logged on and looked around at the chores still waiting to be done, and every time I was missing another thing in real life that I was purposely not going to do because I was logging on instead. I repeated to myself that THIS (SL) is where I really wanted to be, THIS (SL) was where I was appreciated, needed. But no...that was not a correct assertion. Because each time I chose SL over RL, I sacrificed just a little more of my sanity. Just a little more of my time, just a little more of my energy, just a little more of my effort - for what? FOR NOTHING. I have only lost...not gained, well, unless you count pain and hurt - I gained plenty of that.
Well, no...you know, now that I think about it, that's actually not completely true. That's a frustrated-at-myself Stephanie talking. Positive-outlook Stephanie says that I DID gain a few things. I gained perspective. I gained friendship. I gained respect in some people's eyes. I gained control over my behavior and pride in myself again. I gained contentment with my life and what I have. I gained experience in human nature and learned that not everyone on this earth is here for the same reasons I am - and not everyone is who they say they are.
Personally, I found a healthy balance in my SL behaviors and attitudes by taking that first week off over a month ago - cold turkey. Very quickly after removing myself from SL I started communicating with people who brought me back to reality faster than a bucket of cold water could be poured onto my head. That first week was so hard. OMG so difficult. You know though, so early on I was feeling absolutely positive about my departure. I started feeling better almost immediately. And what I have gained by leaving is the knowledge that I don't need a virtual world in order to cope with my real world. Things that I felt were "better" in SL were NOT better. You can't even begin to compare virtual ANYTHING with real anything. There is NO comparison to a beautiful day...the wind in your face and a blanket on the grass with a spectacular picnic lunch. There is no comparison between a virtual hug and feeling someones flesh-and-bone arms encircle you and hold you. There is no comparison for a real conversation occurring between two people, heart-to-heart and soul-to-soul. Tears are shed and feelings are exchanged. You cannot compare that. You just can't.
I found the things in RL I loved and did them again. I took deep breaths and smiled and unplugged and recharged and in the mix, I somehow managed to get to a point where now SL is just a creative way to spend a few spare minutes I might have. I still miss my friends there, but I catch up with them by telephone or when I log in I chat with them or leave a note for them to read when they next log on. I don't let SL drama bother me or affect me - and I have pushed the pain out. Some days I still hurt. I have to believe that's normal. But you can't begin to heal until you face the hurt head-on.
If you're still struggling with obsession in Second Life and you're looking for help, I have listed resources and included blog entries but there is absolutely no substitute for telling the people around you that love you that you need help. Be honest with them and most of all, be honest with yourself. I'm not a specialist. I am not a counselor. I don't even know what right I have to write about all of this - other than the fact that experience is the best lesson I guess. But for those of you who come back and read this blog every day and have shared your own personal stories of leaving or not caring as much about SL anymore with me privately...we can do great things when we band together and make a unanimous choice to make ourselves better.
I owe several people this song as a dedication (not to mention a Higher Power who I went to in prayer day after day, looking for peace). Every friend I ignored in RL or put off for another day rather than getting together with them and being close. My little girl - for every time I said "no" or "maybe later" to her when she wanted to play with me and I should have said "yes". For every time I ignored what J. said to me or asked of me in favor of blowing him off and doing what I wanted to do - no matter where we are in our relationship, I owed you more than that. For my newest friend from halfway across the world who bent over backwards and wrote books for emails telling me that I could overcome my experiences in SL and listing more reasons than I ever imagined I could have. For people who came back in-world to help pull me up and out. For people who stopped everything to pray FOR me and WITH me - in RL and SL. For ALL of you - I am still talking out my feelings and discovering why I went there in the first place. Still finding out which parts of me needed that self-actualization, that feeling of being around people who were like-minded and finding ways to feed all of that in real life instead. I am still on a journey of learning, of discovering and of realizing things about myself every day. All of you together who have been there for me - you are the reason I am still here. You are the reason I love myself now more than before. You are the reason I found the strength to change things about myself that I was very unhappy with. Thank you all so so much. I love each one of you.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Overcoming Obsession with Things in Second Life
I don't think there is a single person who creates their first avatar and DOESN'T go Free-Shopping crazy. :) It's just what we do. We check in, we get our first shapes and bodies and clothes and we think we are SOOOOO great looking! Heels, gowns, pants, shirts, vehicles, furniture, games, dresses, jeans...omg the list is ENDLESS. At first, we think so highly of all of these freebies and we can't wait to go shopping for more. As we spend more time in SL, we find these free things are pretty lame compared to the stuff you can get that's better made, better designed, better looking in general. There's where the obsession over THINGS can come in.
I personally have an affinity for lovely things. I would like nothing more to live in a brick cottage by the ocean - you know, one of those Tudor style buildings, and fill it with polished tables and the kind of couches and chairs you sink into. I would like a piano of course (even though I can barely bang out Heart and Soul) and I would like incredibly breathtaking rugs and silver bowls filled with fresh flowers. Everything would look like it came out of a magazine and everything would smell like a combination of lemon wood polish, freshly mown grass, old (but not musty) wood and slight undertones of sweet-smelling pipe tobacco. :) Instead, my house in RL usually smells like dog and a faint odor of whatever meal I last cooked. Oh, and probably some faint undertones of coffee.
One of the things I enjoy doing in SL is decorating...making things look pretty gives me a certain kind of peace and comfort. I enjoy it because it becomes an escape. I can leave the dirty dishes behind and look at flowing curtains (which I love) instead of mini-blinds (which I don't really care for). I can look at white poofy couches that never get dirty from puppy paws and crayons or markers rather than my own mossy-shaded couch with the constantly spinning wooden foot that has the screw threads broken on it. A week ago when I was baking all those muffins for E.'s school, I stayed up until O-Dark-Thirty and I was on SL just putting things inside little spaces in my dining room - on my china hutch and in my large bookcase. Little framed pictures of friends, a silver bowl, vases, crystal... all just prim wasters in some people's minds - but for me, each piece I put down made me smile. No one tells me how I can and can't decorate in SL. No one says "no open blinds, no plants, no candles, no breakables" and so I just go nuts - adding more and more things that I love. And then I look at it and I smile. I don't feel as if I have accomplished anything significant other than making a little space in my life look a little more beautiful. But in a way, that's enough.
At one point in SL, I was pretty obsessed with things. Hair - omg, I could go on and on about the hair. I couldn't stop shopping for hair! As much as I liked making my surroundings look good, Crystallyn was the biggest part of my surroundings - so she had to ALWAYS look impeccable...and hair is a big part of that. Damselfly, Tiny Bird, Magika, TRUTH, every type of hair designer - I would look at "hair fairs" and swap good hair Landmarks with friends. The nice thing about hair is that it's almost always CHEAP. Even the best quality hair at Damselfly can be bought for only 250L. Then there was skin...I didn't change my skin very often - until recently when I made a new friend (a shape designer) who taught me all about body shapes and skins. We would spend time going shopping for killer-sale skins. It was great...being able to change your appearance with a single click...tanned skin or skin as white as ivory - whichever type you felt like wearing. I was never one to change my body style very often. I think I have only had two or three my entire time in SL. I liked how my shape looked from the start. AND, besides that, I was a little afraid of getting in too deep with the skin/body thing because of something that happened to me early-on in my SL experience.
I think it was maybe my fourth month in and I was getting ready to go out to a club event with a couple of my closest friends. I was getting rapid-fire notices from the club that the theme was "Hot or Not" that night. I decided I would go dressed as "not" - and I figured I would dig deep into my freebie selection to accomplish that. I decided I would try some sort of masculine nerd look. I started going through all my folders and found one called "Paul" - at four months into SL, I knew just enough about it to be dangerous and not enough to take the precautions in advance to make sure if I ever lost my skin or shape by accident, I could find them again. Well, sometimes icons in folders look like one thing when they are actually another. This was something I wasn't really clear on yet. I went into that Paul folder and clicked on striped pants. OMG, they were hideous. I grabbed the shirt to go with them. Then I took off my hair (I was planning to go bald) and I clicked on something that just said "Paul" and HOLY COW...my entire shape and skin changed! Gone was pretty Crystallyn and in her place stood a HUGE AFRICAN AMERICAN MAN WITH A 'FRO. I almost cried I was so shocked, but I decided to laugh at myself instead. What else can you do when something like that happens? I gave myself a last-once-over and teleported to the club where my friends were already dancing. We all laughed until we almost wet our pants. It was just hysterical. I started talking like some of the men that run around in SL with amorous intentions but who have a bit of a language barrier when it comes to speaking English. These were the kinds of guys I ran into early-on in my Second Life experience, generally in noob areas. They would say things like "Hey pretty girl, you are fine, yes?" and "You want my body, yes?" Well, I imitated them and everyone in the club who had experiences with these types of guys themselves just erupted into laughter and even the host and DJ were cracking up. It was one of the funniest experiences I had in SL and it was a total accident - then I looked at the clock and realized I was about 10 minutes from having a meeting with some very serious friends who wanted to discuss organizing some events in the sim I lived in. OMG. Fear and panic struck me. I had NO IDEA how to get back to looking like Crystallyn. I don't think I ever got back to looking JUST like I did before that day...but eventually I looked even better...so I guess in the long run, it was a lesson - and a funny one at that!
I did have a problem with obsessing over hearing back from builders or creators when I bought something that I was not pleased with. If it broke or looked funky or I accidentally lost it, I would wait and wait and wait and tap my little virtual foot (and sometimes my real foot) - waiting to hear back and get my repaired/recreated item. Several times I commissioned items to be made just by my specifications. Nothing too earth-shattering, a couple of wardrobes/closets, a swing,a couch...and a house once. I just know what I like and I want what I like - and SL offers that to people. But there were times I felt I was going overboard. Once I saw something, I had to have it. For me, it might have been hair or a Dinner Party Kitchen. For others, it can be more dark and frightening items. There are things you can buy in SL that would curl your hair...and then straighten it back.
Obsession with things just basically extends the time you spend in SL. You spend more and more time there because you don't realize that you will never buy enough things to have everything just perfect. There are always new things and new looks, new hair and new kitchens. You have to walk away to realize that spending real money on things that don't exist seems just a little silly. Of course, it leaks out to other places now. The Virtual Goods market is exploding in places like Facebook now where people spend REAL money on crops and buildings for their farm in Farmville or super-cute clothes for their animals in Petville.
Thankfully, I have been able to easily say NO to buying virtual items anywhere except SL. But I have several good friends who have farms on Facebook that they are absolutely proud of that may have cost them somewhere on the order of $30 USD or even more. It's absolutely their right and their choice to do it, and if you think about it, $30 over an extended period of time wouldn't amount to much more than a coffee drink at Starbucks a few times over. If they want to skip having a cup of coffee and build a chicken coop, GO TO IT! It only becomes a problem when obsession rears its ugly head. Just don't think you can make obsession look better by adding some Damselfly hair and Pretty Feet heels to it. It just doesn't work that way.
I am a huge Weird Al fan. I admit it. I am reminded of this song - very Real Life though, and not so Second Life. In Second Life, you CAN have whatever you want. In Real Life you have to be a bit more realistic. You can always count on Al to give us realistic when we need it.
I personally have an affinity for lovely things. I would like nothing more to live in a brick cottage by the ocean - you know, one of those Tudor style buildings, and fill it with polished tables and the kind of couches and chairs you sink into. I would like a piano of course (even though I can barely bang out Heart and Soul) and I would like incredibly breathtaking rugs and silver bowls filled with fresh flowers. Everything would look like it came out of a magazine and everything would smell like a combination of lemon wood polish, freshly mown grass, old (but not musty) wood and slight undertones of sweet-smelling pipe tobacco. :) Instead, my house in RL usually smells like dog and a faint odor of whatever meal I last cooked. Oh, and probably some faint undertones of coffee.
One of the things I enjoy doing in SL is decorating...making things look pretty gives me a certain kind of peace and comfort. I enjoy it because it becomes an escape. I can leave the dirty dishes behind and look at flowing curtains (which I love) instead of mini-blinds (which I don't really care for). I can look at white poofy couches that never get dirty from puppy paws and crayons or markers rather than my own mossy-shaded couch with the constantly spinning wooden foot that has the screw threads broken on it. A week ago when I was baking all those muffins for E.'s school, I stayed up until O-Dark-Thirty and I was on SL just putting things inside little spaces in my dining room - on my china hutch and in my large bookcase. Little framed pictures of friends, a silver bowl, vases, crystal... all just prim wasters in some people's minds - but for me, each piece I put down made me smile. No one tells me how I can and can't decorate in SL. No one says "no open blinds, no plants, no candles, no breakables" and so I just go nuts - adding more and more things that I love. And then I look at it and I smile. I don't feel as if I have accomplished anything significant other than making a little space in my life look a little more beautiful. But in a way, that's enough.
At one point in SL, I was pretty obsessed with things. Hair - omg, I could go on and on about the hair. I couldn't stop shopping for hair! As much as I liked making my surroundings look good, Crystallyn was the biggest part of my surroundings - so she had to ALWAYS look impeccable...and hair is a big part of that. Damselfly, Tiny Bird, Magika, TRUTH, every type of hair designer - I would look at "hair fairs" and swap good hair Landmarks with friends. The nice thing about hair is that it's almost always CHEAP. Even the best quality hair at Damselfly can be bought for only 250L. Then there was skin...I didn't change my skin very often - until recently when I made a new friend (a shape designer) who taught me all about body shapes and skins. We would spend time going shopping for killer-sale skins. It was great...being able to change your appearance with a single click...tanned skin or skin as white as ivory - whichever type you felt like wearing. I was never one to change my body style very often. I think I have only had two or three my entire time in SL. I liked how my shape looked from the start. AND, besides that, I was a little afraid of getting in too deep with the skin/body thing because of something that happened to me early-on in my SL experience.
I think it was maybe my fourth month in and I was getting ready to go out to a club event with a couple of my closest friends. I was getting rapid-fire notices from the club that the theme was "Hot or Not" that night. I decided I would go dressed as "not" - and I figured I would dig deep into my freebie selection to accomplish that. I decided I would try some sort of masculine nerd look. I started going through all my folders and found one called "Paul" - at four months into SL, I knew just enough about it to be dangerous and not enough to take the precautions in advance to make sure if I ever lost my skin or shape by accident, I could find them again. Well, sometimes icons in folders look like one thing when they are actually another. This was something I wasn't really clear on yet. I went into that Paul folder and clicked on striped pants. OMG, they were hideous. I grabbed the shirt to go with them. Then I took off my hair (I was planning to go bald) and I clicked on something that just said "Paul" and HOLY COW...my entire shape and skin changed! Gone was pretty Crystallyn and in her place stood a HUGE AFRICAN AMERICAN MAN WITH A 'FRO. I almost cried I was so shocked, but I decided to laugh at myself instead. What else can you do when something like that happens? I gave myself a last-once-over and teleported to the club where my friends were already dancing. We all laughed until we almost wet our pants. It was just hysterical. I started talking like some of the men that run around in SL with amorous intentions but who have a bit of a language barrier when it comes to speaking English. These were the kinds of guys I ran into early-on in my Second Life experience, generally in noob areas. They would say things like "Hey pretty girl, you are fine, yes?" and "You want my body, yes?" Well, I imitated them and everyone in the club who had experiences with these types of guys themselves just erupted into laughter and even the host and DJ were cracking up. It was one of the funniest experiences I had in SL and it was a total accident - then I looked at the clock and realized I was about 10 minutes from having a meeting with some very serious friends who wanted to discuss organizing some events in the sim I lived in. OMG. Fear and panic struck me. I had NO IDEA how to get back to looking like Crystallyn. I don't think I ever got back to looking JUST like I did before that day...but eventually I looked even better...so I guess in the long run, it was a lesson - and a funny one at that!
I did have a problem with obsessing over hearing back from builders or creators when I bought something that I was not pleased with. If it broke or looked funky or I accidentally lost it, I would wait and wait and wait and tap my little virtual foot (and sometimes my real foot) - waiting to hear back and get my repaired/recreated item. Several times I commissioned items to be made just by my specifications. Nothing too earth-shattering, a couple of wardrobes/closets, a swing,a couch...and a house once. I just know what I like and I want what I like - and SL offers that to people. But there were times I felt I was going overboard. Once I saw something, I had to have it. For me, it might have been hair or a Dinner Party Kitchen. For others, it can be more dark and frightening items. There are things you can buy in SL that would curl your hair...and then straighten it back.
Obsession with things just basically extends the time you spend in SL. You spend more and more time there because you don't realize that you will never buy enough things to have everything just perfect. There are always new things and new looks, new hair and new kitchens. You have to walk away to realize that spending real money on things that don't exist seems just a little silly. Of course, it leaks out to other places now. The Virtual Goods market is exploding in places like Facebook now where people spend REAL money on crops and buildings for their farm in Farmville or super-cute clothes for their animals in Petville.
Thankfully, I have been able to easily say NO to buying virtual items anywhere except SL. But I have several good friends who have farms on Facebook that they are absolutely proud of that may have cost them somewhere on the order of $30 USD or even more. It's absolutely their right and their choice to do it, and if you think about it, $30 over an extended period of time wouldn't amount to much more than a coffee drink at Starbucks a few times over. If they want to skip having a cup of coffee and build a chicken coop, GO TO IT! It only becomes a problem when obsession rears its ugly head. Just don't think you can make obsession look better by adding some Damselfly hair and Pretty Feet heels to it. It just doesn't work that way.
I am a huge Weird Al fan. I admit it. I am reminded of this song - very Real Life though, and not so Second Life. In Second Life, you CAN have whatever you want. In Real Life you have to be a bit more realistic. You can always count on Al to give us realistic when we need it.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Overcoming Obsession in Relationships in Second Life
Relationships in Second Life are a slippery slope.
First, let me clarify that when I use the word "Relationships", I am referring to any type of relationship. This could be a friend, an acquaintance, a co-worker (in-world), a stranger, a partner or a lover. Or in the case of Second Life, where one person can actually be ALL OF THE ABOVE.
Relationships in SL are vibrant and violent, varied and volatile...and the entire spectrum in between those descriptive V-words. You can meet people that become best friends for life and you can meet people who can become your worst nightmare. Having a relationship (romantic or platonic) with someone in Second Life gets very tricky because it almost always ends up getting intensely personal. You may try and keep it "SL Only" but when you share triumphs and tragedies with the people behind the avatar pixels (daily, in many cases), you learn so much about the other person that you are connecting with because you start out your communications with them on a mind-to-mind level, rather than putting any social or physical variables into play. Many times you tell people more about your day, more about your problems, more about your worries, more about your inner-most thoughts and more about your heartaches than you would even tell your best friend or spouse in Real Life. Based on this information, you can see how obsession in relationships in SL would be quite common. It can even turn into a very serious issue for some people...obsessing over where people are and what people are doing when you're not around. That's where trust comes in. In Second Life, if you don't have trust, you don't have much of a relationship.
Rather than being honest with someone and tell them how you actually feel about them, some people pretend to log off to avoid talking to someone when they are actually still online...and it says right on their profile "online" - this only causes heartaches for the "other person" who really feels very rejected (obviously) when something like this occurs. Back when I was an avid profile-reader (I gave up profile reading a month ago when I first decided to leave SL - I felt it was just making things harder for me personally because I was looking at them obsessively - and my sole reason for making a break from SL was to get healthy - I don't ever want to fall into obsessive or addictive patterns again), I saw profiles with statements like "just tell me if you aren't interested in talking to me, I'm not dumb - I know whether you're online or not". A full measure of honesty from each person in the relationship PLUS a serious willingness to be upfront with people is definitely necessary in SL. People can't gauge your emotions through an avatar. Words you type have NO inflection. If you are trying to get a point across to someone in conversation you need to remember that they can't tell if you're serious or joking. Things you say can be misconstrued, mistyped or misunderstood.
I have been looking into obsession in relationships lately - especially since taking a break from SL - because I felt that there was a direct correlation between the addiction and obsession. Obsession in relationships in RL and SL can be very ugly and painful for everyone involved, and it has a ripple-effect. Essentially making a lot of people experience hurt and pain. If you have a situation where you have been involved in a situation like this, you can understand this clearly. If not, count yourself lucky.
I discovered this incredible web page with information about an Obsessive Love Wheel. The different levels of obsession here don't have to apply to just love interests though, they could apply to friends or working partners too. According to the page (which is chock-full of great information), there are four phases of Obsessive Love. These are: Attraction, Anxious, Obsessive and Destructive. I decided to put one example of each below. Please visit the page for even more information.
Attraction Phase: unrealistic fantasies about a relationship with someone, assigning "magical" qualities to them (this is very easy to do in SL where almost everyone has a magical quality of "perfectness" assigned to them physically by Linden Labs when they first log in, unless they choose to reshape themselves to a different form.)
Anxious Phase: unfounded thoughts of infidelity on the part of a partner and demanding accountability for normal daily activities (this could also apply to people who are builders or business owners and team up with another person in SL.)
Obsessive Phase: physical or electronic monitoring of someones activities (this is easy to achieve in SL - there are entire businesses based on monitoring or spying on others and this can include everything from tracking them as they go from sim to sim to even capturing their words in local chat and saving them somewhere - I know that the latter is a violation of privacy in SL, but that doesn't stop people from doing it anyway.)
Destructive Phase: extreme feelings of self-blame and at times, self-hatred (another example of something that can apply to any type of relationship in SL.)
I also read this fantastic blog post about addictive and obsessive behaviors when related to meeting and establishing relationships with others in MMORPG's. I thought it was particularly intriguing when I read her take on psychology and gaming with regards to Maslow's Hierarchy of needs. We all have emotional needs that we want filled. If those aren't being filled in our every day lives, it just stands to reason that we would search for those needs to be satisfied any way we can. INTERPERSONAL ACCEPTANCE...we instinctively desire to be near those who understand us. It is absolutely human nature to seek out people who give us comfort and who understand why we feel certain things. Again, this is where honesty and trust mean so much. As I mentioned in an earlier post, people pretend to be all sorts of things in SL. You take a risk anytime you loan a piece of you out to someone else in either life, but I would argue that the hurt that can be caused between two individuals who are so close on a mind-to-mind level can be far more damaging psychologically.
My opinion is that when a relationship is obviously obsessive and becomes detrimental to others involved - either those directly or indirectly effected, it should either end completely or be repaired to a point where everyone benefits again, provided they ever did at any point. In cases where it's not possible, you have to take a step back, have faith that things will be okay and move on down the next path in your life. Have faith in your friends who continue to stand behind you and beside you. Have faith in whatever makes you feel positive and strong. Most of all, have faith in YOURSELF.
For some reason, this song has been stuck in my head since I started considering which song to end my blog post with. It's a beautiful song.
First, let me clarify that when I use the word "Relationships", I am referring to any type of relationship. This could be a friend, an acquaintance, a co-worker (in-world), a stranger, a partner or a lover. Or in the case of Second Life, where one person can actually be ALL OF THE ABOVE.
Relationships in SL are vibrant and violent, varied and volatile...and the entire spectrum in between those descriptive V-words. You can meet people that become best friends for life and you can meet people who can become your worst nightmare. Having a relationship (romantic or platonic) with someone in Second Life gets very tricky because it almost always ends up getting intensely personal. You may try and keep it "SL Only" but when you share triumphs and tragedies with the people behind the avatar pixels (daily, in many cases), you learn so much about the other person that you are connecting with because you start out your communications with them on a mind-to-mind level, rather than putting any social or physical variables into play. Many times you tell people more about your day, more about your problems, more about your worries, more about your inner-most thoughts and more about your heartaches than you would even tell your best friend or spouse in Real Life. Based on this information, you can see how obsession in relationships in SL would be quite common. It can even turn into a very serious issue for some people...obsessing over where people are and what people are doing when you're not around. That's where trust comes in. In Second Life, if you don't have trust, you don't have much of a relationship.
Rather than being honest with someone and tell them how you actually feel about them, some people pretend to log off to avoid talking to someone when they are actually still online...and it says right on their profile "online" - this only causes heartaches for the "other person" who really feels very rejected (obviously) when something like this occurs. Back when I was an avid profile-reader (I gave up profile reading a month ago when I first decided to leave SL - I felt it was just making things harder for me personally because I was looking at them obsessively - and my sole reason for making a break from SL was to get healthy - I don't ever want to fall into obsessive or addictive patterns again), I saw profiles with statements like "just tell me if you aren't interested in talking to me, I'm not dumb - I know whether you're online or not". A full measure of honesty from each person in the relationship PLUS a serious willingness to be upfront with people is definitely necessary in SL. People can't gauge your emotions through an avatar. Words you type have NO inflection. If you are trying to get a point across to someone in conversation you need to remember that they can't tell if you're serious or joking. Things you say can be misconstrued, mistyped or misunderstood.
I have been looking into obsession in relationships lately - especially since taking a break from SL - because I felt that there was a direct correlation between the addiction and obsession. Obsession in relationships in RL and SL can be very ugly and painful for everyone involved, and it has a ripple-effect. Essentially making a lot of people experience hurt and pain. If you have a situation where you have been involved in a situation like this, you can understand this clearly. If not, count yourself lucky.
I discovered this incredible web page with information about an Obsessive Love Wheel. The different levels of obsession here don't have to apply to just love interests though, they could apply to friends or working partners too. According to the page (which is chock-full of great information), there are four phases of Obsessive Love. These are: Attraction, Anxious, Obsessive and Destructive. I decided to put one example of each below. Please visit the page for even more information.
Attraction Phase: unrealistic fantasies about a relationship with someone, assigning "magical" qualities to them (this is very easy to do in SL where almost everyone has a magical quality of "perfectness" assigned to them physically by Linden Labs when they first log in, unless they choose to reshape themselves to a different form.)
Anxious Phase: unfounded thoughts of infidelity on the part of a partner and demanding accountability for normal daily activities (this could also apply to people who are builders or business owners and team up with another person in SL.)
Obsessive Phase: physical or electronic monitoring of someones activities (this is easy to achieve in SL - there are entire businesses based on monitoring or spying on others and this can include everything from tracking them as they go from sim to sim to even capturing their words in local chat and saving them somewhere - I know that the latter is a violation of privacy in SL, but that doesn't stop people from doing it anyway.)
Destructive Phase: extreme feelings of self-blame and at times, self-hatred (another example of something that can apply to any type of relationship in SL.)
I also read this fantastic blog post about addictive and obsessive behaviors when related to meeting and establishing relationships with others in MMORPG's. I thought it was particularly intriguing when I read her take on psychology and gaming with regards to Maslow's Hierarchy of needs. We all have emotional needs that we want filled. If those aren't being filled in our every day lives, it just stands to reason that we would search for those needs to be satisfied any way we can. INTERPERSONAL ACCEPTANCE...we instinctively desire to be near those who understand us. It is absolutely human nature to seek out people who give us comfort and who understand why we feel certain things. Again, this is where honesty and trust mean so much. As I mentioned in an earlier post, people pretend to be all sorts of things in SL. You take a risk anytime you loan a piece of you out to someone else in either life, but I would argue that the hurt that can be caused between two individuals who are so close on a mind-to-mind level can be far more damaging psychologically.
My opinion is that when a relationship is obviously obsessive and becomes detrimental to others involved - either those directly or indirectly effected, it should either end completely or be repaired to a point where everyone benefits again, provided they ever did at any point. In cases where it's not possible, you have to take a step back, have faith that things will be okay and move on down the next path in your life. Have faith in your friends who continue to stand behind you and beside you. Have faith in whatever makes you feel positive and strong. Most of all, have faith in YOURSELF.
For some reason, this song has been stuck in my head since I started considering which song to end my blog post with. It's a beautiful song.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
